This article is part of our NFL Draft series.
This is my mock, which is dumb and wrong. You should also read John's 1.0 mock, which is correct and good, here. This 33-pick mock contains two trades.
1. Arizona Cardinals – Kyler Murray, QB, Oklahoma
I still think Josh Rosen is a good prospect, but Murray is a better one and Kliff Kingsbury can rightfully pin the blame for any slow start on GM Steve Keim's six-year reign of terror prior to Kingsbury's arrival.
2. San Francisco 49ers – Nick Bosa, DE, Ohio State
3. New York Jets – Ed Oliver, DL, Houston
I'm stubbornly clinging to the idea that Oliver may prove a better NFL player than even Bosa. He'd in any case be a great pick for any team.
4. Oakland Raiders – Quinnen Williams, DT, Alabama
5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Josh Allen, (3-4) OLB, Kentucky
Devin White would make plenty of sense here, though the Buccaneers lack edge personnel for Todd Bowles' predominantly 3-4 scheme.
6. New York Giants – Jonah Williams, OT, Alabama
I could hardly have less respect for the man and yet you can't convince me David Gettleman is dumb enough to take Daniel Jones this high.
7. Jacksonville Jaguars – Devin White, LB, LSU
Tom Coughlin is a goofy old crank. Although there was no upside in it for him, he had to run his mouth about two of his best players in Jalen Ramsey and Telvin Smith even after already alienating one of his other top assets in Leonard Fournette. For various reasons Coughlin can't make a petty example of Ramsey, but Smith's contract can be moved with relative ease.
8. Detroit Lions – Greedy Williams, CB, LSU
Name is 1.01-grade.
9. Buffalo Bills – Rashan Gary, DE, Michigan
Brandon Beane seems fond of toolsy players, and Shaq Lawson appears to be on the way out.
10. Denver Broncos – Dwayne Haskins, QB, Ohio State
Maybe John Elways pulls a fast one on us? I don't know.
11. Cincinnati Bengals – Drew Lock, QB, Missouri
After assuming John Elway would pass on Haskins, Zac Taylor has to scramble and rationalize a Lock selection instead.
12. Green Bay Packers – D.K. Metcalf, WR, Mississippi
No matter how anyone reads into the ridiculous McCarthy vs Rodgers saga, even Rodgers' critics can concede that Green Bay's success depends almost singularly on Rodgers' success. Metcalf would bring nitrous oxide to an offense that's become inexplicably sluggish.
13. Houston Texans (from MIA) – Jawaan Taylor, OT, Florida
Houston trades picks 22 and 55 for a player some consider the top tackle prospect.
14. Atlanta Falcons – Andre Dillard, OT, Washington State
The Falcons could use an upgrade at right tackle yet. Dillard is more nimble than punishing, but it makes sense for Atlanta to go all-in on its passing game.
15. Arizona Cardinals (from WAS) – A.J. Brown, WR, Mississippi
Arizona trades Josh Rosen and the 33rd pick for much-needed quality WR snaps. (Washington also sends pick 96). Brown, Christian Kirk, and Trent Sherfield could prove a strong top-three at wideout by 2020.
16. Carolina Panthers – Brian Burns, DE, Florida State
17. New York Giants (from CLE) – Daniel Jones, QB, Duke
18. Minnesota Vikings – Dexter Lawrence, DT, Clemson
19. Tennessee Titans – Marquise Brown, WR, Oklahoma
I feel like this pick will be either Brown (a fast downfield complement to Adam Humphries underneath and Corey Davis wherever in between) or Hakeem Butler (an expansion of the Huge Guy Offense that Derrick Henry's success might sell to Mike Vrabel).
20. Pittsburgh Steelers - Devin Bush, ILB, Michigan
Bush could easily go ten or more picks higher than this, but if he falls here he ought to be a no-brainer pick for the Steelers.
21. Seattle Seahawks – Montez Sweat, DE, Mississippi State
I have no idea what to make of the heart condition, so I'm deferring to Sweat's otherwise excellent prospect profile.
22. Baltimore Ravens - Garrett Bradbury, C, BAL
John told me to.
23. Miami Dolphins (from HOU) – Jeffery Simmons, DT, Mississippi State
Simmons' torn ACL makes him a luxury pick to a competitive team (not Miami) or an easily justified deferred asset to a tanking team (Miami).
24. Oakland Raiders (from CHI) – Byron Murphy, CB, Washington
Murphy's 40 time is concerning (4.55), but it's easy to like the film and production.
25. Philadelphia Eagles – Darnell Savage, S, Maryland
This might be too high for Savage, but his prospect profile is objectively impressive. His burning athleticism (4.36 40, 39.5-inch vertical, 126-inch broad jump) makes him an easy projection for where the game is headed.
26. Indianapolis Colts – Parris Campbell, WR, Ohio State
There's no sound reason to believe Campbell can't develop a good downfield game, but in the meantime we know he's murderously good underneath, where he'd nicely complement the downfield routes of T.Y. Hilton and Devin Funchess.
27. Oakland Raiders (from DAL) – Juan Thornhill, S, Virginia
Despite a vaguely promising second half last year, Karl Joseph still seems like he might be on the way out.
28. Los Angeles Chargers – Will Grier, QB, West Virginia
I don't know. Philip Rivers turns 38 in December.
29. Kansas City Chiefs – N'Keal Harry, WR, Arizona State
Tyreek Hill's legal standing is a substantial concern to his availability – perhaps an even greater one than the foot injury history is to Sammy Watkins. Pat Mahomes is the best quarterback, but this offense still needs three strong targets if it's going to be a 5,000-yard, 50-touchdown passing game.
30. Green Bay Packers (from NO) – Noah Fant, TE, Iowa
The Packers might be stuck with Jimmy Graham for another year, but Fant could use some development time anyway.
31. Los Angeles Rams – Christian Wilkins, DT, Clemson
They won't be able to bring back Ndamukong Suh, and the run defense was pretty bad to begin with.
32. New England Patriots – T.J. Hockenson, TE, Iowa
I think Hockenson is better than Fant, and he'd almost certainly terrorize the league in Belichick's offense, the jerk.
33. Washington (from ARZ) – Hakeem Butler, WR, Iowa State
There, that's pretty much projecting Butler in the first round. Can't get mad at me now.